So I’ve been thinking about how I ended up here. I have been busy Doing Things. You know. Going from one thing to the next. Getting Stuff Done. It feels good. (Although, again, if I take a good look, I’m not really sure how much is actually getting done.) I am moving quickly. Everything and everybody I talk to seem to be moving quickly too. It’s the Fast part of life. This isn’t really a bad thing by itself. It’s really how much of the world works and how we get things done. We move quickly. We talk about how busy we are. Our lives feel full.
But it isn’t really working for me. I don’t like feeling anxious. I particularly don’t like feeling frustrated with my daughter on a regular basis. So I’m going to try to do things differently. Instead of Doing, I’m going to practice just Being. Instead of going Quickly from one thing to the next, I’m going to practice Slowing Down. And instead of trying to fill up my time, I’m going to see what happens when I leave a little space for myself. And just feel that weird shaky squashed feeling, just as it is.
I especially notice how this plays out in our morning routine. The more rushed I am in the morning to get out the door, the more likely I am to find myself yelling at my daughter for dallying. So, instead of beating her downstairs to start making breakfast, I force myself to sit down on the edge of the bed and talk with her as she gets dressed. Instead of checking e-mail at the table, I put my computer in my bag and sit down with a cup of tea while we eat breakfast. And as I strap her into her car seat I stop. I click the last piece. Take a deep breath. I take a good look at my daughter, smile and give her a kiss.
And then I go on to my busy, full, fast day of getting things done.